Nine Below Shiraz | Goon (Wine) Review

 

Goon Sack Info
Amount	750ml
Standard Drinks per Cask	4.3
Alcoholic Content	8.5%
Average Price	$19.95

 

Background: A wine created by some boffin scientist to be low GI and somehow good for you.

 

Nine Below was first showcased on the ARL Scientist Spotlight for its health benefits and great taste

 

‘Dr. Bruce Kambouris is a Chinese Medicine practitioner, a qualified chemical engineer and has a PHD in Medical Sciences but that was not enough’ – Nine Below label.

 

With the powers of scientifically engineered grape skins and a low glycemic index program, how could Nine Below Shiraz do anything but please?

 

Made by a boffin by the name of Dr Bruce Kambouirs PHD, Nine Below boasts more outrageous health claims than a pack of diet pills. Its label is littered with bold buzz words like RESVATROL and REACTIVITY, who knows what they all mean or have to do with wine but one thing’s for sure, you’re in for a rough ride with Nine Below.

 

Dr Bruce Kambouirs PHD or ‘Brucey’ as he liked to be known as

 

A main selling point of this wine is obviously its supposed health benefits and we are assured that it is a meager 103 calories per serving, but in the world of high stakes goon drinking this fact hardly comforts any one.

 

The wine surprisingly wasn’t that bad. It is so ridiculously sweet that it could have actually been Ribena, that probably isn’t one of the better tasting notes out there but it really is the only word for it. After half the glass it really did start to get sickly and the last gulp was more of a mission than anything. The thought of finishing the bottle gave me shivers and so I decided to leave it at that. It definitely would have been helped along by some tart orange juice or even lemonade.

 

Best Mix: Something citrusy to cut the horrific sweetness.

 

Never mix with: Sugar, your teeth will instantly fall out.

 

What I really enjoyed about this wine was the absurd marketing ploys. Everything from the doctor in his lab coat smiling on the bottle, to the silhouette of a young woman hidden behind the text. It even had several web sites with more information about the scientific miracle that is Nine Below, all non-existent however and maybe that says it all about this wine. A lot of toss with no real substance.

 

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Nine Below Shiraz | Goon (Wine) Review